I must confess I thought my job would last. And at first I thought my boss was quite real, friendly, and a decent woman.

She certainly didn't make a very good boss in the end. She did not delegate me work. She did not seem to care about what I knew. She would take off for long periods of time or even days without telling me. I wasn't invited to meetings for our department. I wasn't given a tour of the facilities, despite needing to know how the plants operated.

I overcame this by working with another woman, and yet another woman, in neighboring overlapping departments. I dug into many projects and worked very hard to learn this new trade to me.

Despite being hired for a lab job it was maybe 10 - 20 % lab work and otherwise all office and maybe a little touring of the facilities.

So get this ... she then told me it seemed I wasn't interested in my job. So I bent over backwards and put my hand in everything I get my hands on.

Then why, I ask .... was I let go due to an "unfit" reason to this job? It seems she never communicated to me, took my hand as a boss should, or a million other things I could complain of. It's just so weird that I decided she just plain didn't like me and THATS why I have no job. She did tell me I should be a boss, not an employee ... what the F*** does that mean? Was I not a good employee? She did tell me again, that I did not seem interested in this job. I think that's some sort of code for feeling threatened.

I went through soooo much hell to get this job, the unprofessionalism of all that happened still makes my skin crawl and my voice to shreak in my head at the unfairness and difficulties of it all. I can never look at Amy's Kitchen the same. I don't want to eat their products or see the boxes of their products in the isles. I wish I could scream to everyone a warning of what it's like to work with them.

But then I remember that I'm not like that. The owners (I've heard) are good people. And from the production I've seen the products are wholesome.

Yet, I can't get the echo of the guy who left. The guy when I was sent to a temp agency after failing my drug test (was told they did not test for alcohol but they did) who said "F*** this, you're only hiring for Amy's?" The look on his face startled me of my future employer; especially after 5 trips to a doctor's office over the fault that was not my own and the endless seeming physicals ...

I stopped him and asked "What's so wrong about Amy's?"

He sneered and replied "No one speaks any F***ing English. Think I want to work back there again. Screw that. It was one of the worst experiences of my life."

I assumed he was just one of few to fall between the cracks. Hunh, now I must assume I am one of those too.

Now in a crappy economy I am yet again out of a job. Yay me.

At least now I can spend time with friends and family. I was going mad not finding the time to get everything done. And I am thankful I still have some unemployment compensation left. But not much, so I've already hit the pavement and applied to jobs (a surprising number of chemist positions available). I was let go only last Thursday.

My boyfriend is loving and supportive; my friends are empathetic and humorous; and my family is encouraging. I have everything I could ever ask for in the world.

So then why do I constantly feel like my job encompasses my purpose? I suppose in this instance it's because I had no control and did my best, and still seemingly failed.

But I didn't fail, I only learned yet another lesson that life has thrown.

Trust Your Instincts.

I knew something was wrong but didn't act on it. I did, for once, what was considered bowing down and playing it safe. Hunh, that's not my style and it didn't suit me.

Bah, Meh, whatever shrug you want to say. I'll find some other niche again soon. Indeed, I am always striving for perfection and have my hands in so many pots it would be hard to say what would tie my down (likely nothing). So yeah, this is just another bump in the long road we call life.

Yeah I can't get the vision of the woman who was called my boss out of my head at the moment. She paced a lot, didn't handle pressure well, smoked menthols sometimes even chain-like, and just plain didn't treat me nicely.

Ah I'll get over soon ... so here's to hoping sooner than later ...

Cheers and slainte to all ... to life, love, and happiness this lovely winter.